


With Love and Zero Fucks From Russia

by alexdamien



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 00:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1100267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexdamien/pseuds/alexdamien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of things that Russia gives zero fucks about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meteors

Russia picked China up from the airport that day. They had been planning to have dinner together for a long while, and China was stressed enough to finally stop postponing it and taking a few days off.

“I could have taken a cab aru!” said China, when Ivan opened the door for him.

“It be no problem,” said Russia with a smile.

They drove for a while, with China texting on his phone while he blabbered away and Russia nodded and made vague affirmation sounds.

“I mean it, they want a report without even sending the information for report! Aiya, how dumb they be?” said China. Russia made a vague affirmation noise. China shielded his eyes from a strong light. “Why is it so sunny today aru?” he looked up at a shining beam coming from the sky. “What’s that?!”

“I not know” said Russia with a smile and lowered the shades from the roof of the car.

“Russia I think that’s a meteor!”

“Yes?”

“Russia that really is a meteor!!”

“Ah.”

The meteor made an elegant arch overhead and went on to crash a couple of kilometers away.

“It really was meteor,” said Russia, smiling. “It kind of tickled.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone seen that video of the russian man driving while the meteor is flying at him? That was awesome. There was a version with Russia's face photoshopped and I thought it was the best. 
> 
> Mother Russia is best. Let us all become one with it.


	2. Tanks

Latvia knew the tank was trouble. Tanks were always trouble, but this one was definitely his problem.

“I...I’m afraid I don’t know how to drive it...sir…” he finally said in a whisper. Russia stood up from his desk and looked down at him with a smile. Latvia quivered.

“How can anyone not know how to drive tank these days Latvia?” he said, patting Latvia’s head so hard, the small nation fell to the ground. “Follow me. I teach you how to drive tank. You will become best tank driver in all of Latvia. Second best in Russia.”

“I...I really don’t think…”

Russia dragged Latvia out of the house, where the tank waited. When Russia pulled him inside the tank next to him, Latvia tried to scream for help, but all he could do was muster a despaired, soft whisper of “Estoniaaaa….” and started crying.

Russia started the engine and put the tank into gear. Latvia started praying to every single god that had ever been worshipped in his lands. Russia giggled and pulled two sticks to the back.

“This is break,” he said. Out of the tank they heard the muffled voices of Estonia and Lithuania shouting something they couldn’t understand. Latvia tried to scream again but only managed a low pitched squealing sound. “Now push the accelerator. That pedal.”

“Eeeeee…”

“Push it Latvia.”

“Eeeeee…”

Latvia took a deep breath and pushed the pedal. The tank moved, and Russia pulled one of the sticks.

“Most good Latvia! Now we park it in garage.”

Someone had climbed the tank, possibly Lithuania, and was trying to open the top of the tank. Latvia saw the house approaching, but couldn’t move his feet from the accelerator. Next to the house a terrified Estonia waved at them to stop.

“Now pull brakes Latvia”

“Eeeeee…”

They crashed into the house slowly, until Russia pulled Latvia off the pedal and pulled the brakes.

“I’m sorry Mister Russia! I’m really sorry!” he cried, protecting his head with his arms. Russia petted him again.

“Not worry Latvia. Practice is necessary. Tomorrow we drive again. Soon you will be best tank driver.”

Latvia cried so much, Lithuania had to carry him out of the tank.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiring Headline: Drunken russian man drives tank into house. 
> 
> I feel like it is ridiculous to think that Russia HAS to be drunk to drive a tank into a house. He can do that perfectly sober, thank you very much.

**Author's Note:**

> Has anyone seen that video of the russian man driving while the meteor is flying at him? That was awesome. There was a version with Russia's face photoshopped and I thought it was the best. 
> 
> Mother Russia is best. Let us all become one with it.


End file.
